“Unf*ck Yourself” by Gary John Bishop is one of the best books I read this year! It is short, funny, straight to the point, and incredibly honest. So honest that you can’t help but feel offended sometimes.
But don’t worry, everything you are about to read in this book is true, based on the experience of Gary Bishop, who is one of the leading Personal Development experts in the industry. So without any further ado, let’s dive into the concepts of this book!
First of all, you need to understand that this book gives you advice on what you can do to change your life. It is not a guaranteed recipe for success, and the advice you are about to here may or may not offend you.
As you can see from the title, Gary Bishop doesn’t chat around and doesn’t beat around the corner. He is direct in his approach but the words he speaks have a lot of value and can add tons of value in your life, as he did to mine.
First thing first: you talk to yourself. this is no question about it. You may not use your actual voice, but you talk to yourself! Every day! You have 50,000 thoughts in a single day, and not all of these thoughts are about what you will do. Some of those… many of those, are about how you can’t do stuff, how you are too lazy to lose weight, too weak to quit smoking, or too unorganized to save some money.
This negative self-talk is not good for you, and it only makes you beat yourself up, become unmotivated to change something about your life, and regret afterward… Because you can’t get yourself motivated if the only thing that you tell yourself is how lazy you are to go to the gym.
This book offers you seven personal assertions that you can use to turn your life around and to unf*ck yourself, and get the life you always wanted!
Unf*ck yourself: I am willing!
I bet you have in your living area where you are not satisfied. Maybe you want to be in better shape, you want to quit a bad habit, you struggle financially.
You have some sort of problem, and maybe it is not your fault that you have this problem. But it is certainly your fault if you’re not going to do anything about it.
And I’m sure you tried to do, you struggled but you always ended up in the same place… and this is so frustrating. But take a minute and think about how many times did you had negative self-talk?
How many times did you say you were too lazy, or too stupid, or too weak or too busy to do something?
The thing is, maybe you are all of the above, and this is okay! Just because you are like this now, it doesn’t mean is who you are as a human being, or who you’ll be from now on! You have the power to change it. But are you willing to change it?
This assertion is the best one you could start with! It is the one that will shape your wantings and needs. It will make it easier for you if done correctly.
The truth is, you will not change if you tell yourself how lazy you are… But if you tell yourself that you are willing your brain will connect neurons differently, and you will slowly make yourself believe you can do it.
I am unwilling
Instead of saying “I’m too lazy to lose weight”, tell yourself “I am willing to lose weight”.
But what happens if when you say this, you have an “I am not feeling so willing” feeling? Change the assertion to “I’m am unwilling to live in an unhealthy body”. See how the opposite works for you.
Sometimes you are not willing to do something. But you are unwilling to live like this anymore!
” I am willing” not “I want”!
What am I about to say may upset you a little bit: You are not willing to do everything you want to do! This is a true statement, and that is why the assertion is “I am willing” instead of “I want”!
You may “want” to do things that you don’t want for numerous reasons: Because your family said so, because of the pressure from your friends, because this is the standard in society, etc.
Are you willing to be an engineer? Or does your mother want you to be one? Do you really want to cut all the sugar you eat? Or your friends told you that you can’t date girls because of a dad bud?
I will say it again! This assertion doesn’t ask you what you want to do! It asks you what you really are willing to do.
In conclusion, you can shape your life, and see where are the areas where you actually can make a change!
Ask yourself every day, and every night, when you drive, when you eat, when you shower: Am I willing? Or am I unwilling? This is the first step to Unf*ck yourself!
I am wired to win
Here is some good news for you!
You are wired to win!
Your brain is trying to find the solutions to make you win at everything in your life! What’s that? you’re not winning? Well, that’s because you play the wrong game…
Your brain will find answers to make you do the stuff you need to do. But your brain has a pattern that must be followed. So if you have a bad habit, your brain will think that you must do it, because you do it often, and causes you pleasure.
You want to make new friends, but you keep telling yourself that it is going to be hard, because you are socially awkward, don’t know how to initiate contact, and don’t know how to make new friends. Well, your brain will make you win at this game by not letting you do anything to make new friends or connections!
What is the solution?
Make a plan on how you will act! And do that plan even if you feel resistance. Your brain helps you make what he thinks is right, you, on the other hand, must show him that you want something else! If you do that long enough and you consciously act the way you want to act, your brain will get the memo and help you act that way.
Make a plan, follow it, and tell yourself you are wired to win, and you will unf*ck yourself!
Unf*ck Yourself: I got this
This chapter makes you realize two things:
- You come a long way
2. You can go even further!
It explains why you shouldn’t be scared of future adversities. You must understand that you can withstand everything that life throws at you.
There is one trick you can use to be able to see it too. Imagine that you are in a car, there is a one-way street that you are driving. To your left is your past. All the things you did, you failed or succeed at, that made you feel pride or shame. Take your time to think about it.
Now at your right are the future bumps, the next ups, and downs. Now that you see what you’ve been through, you are more capable of understanding that you can go past future adversities. You have been strong in the past, so there is no reason for you to think that you will not be in the future.
So tell yourself you got this!
Unf*ck Yourself: I embrace the uncertainty
We, humans, as a race, lived in times where we needed to be very careful about a bunch of stuff. Like predators, poisonous snakes, spiders, and plants. So to keep us into a safe place, we don’t enjoy being pushed outside of our comfort zone.
The bad thing is… all the things you want are in the uncertainty. Everything you want to do, all the people you want to meet, all the experience you want to have, are on the other side of the gate.
But your biological systems just don’t like to be pushed that way, even though that means not getting what you want. We love the certainty because is comfortable, and warm, and cuddly. But is not what you need to do in order to grow.
It is impossible to guarantee certainty, but the uncertainty is guaranteed. And as Teddy Roosevelt said, “The right choice is your best option, the wrong choice is your second best option, and the worst option is to do nothing”.
Don’t think too much in these situations, go and do something, you will be wrong sometimes, you will fail sometimes, but that’s what you need to do to unf*ck yourself! I embrace the uncertainty.
Unf*ck Yourself: I am not my thoughts, I am what I do
This is the assertion that made me feel a little uncomfortable. But as it is unpleasant to hear, it is also true. You are not what you think; you are what you constantly do.
If you think you will go to the gym the next day, you are not going to the gym, you planning to go to the gym. One will bring you results, the other one will bring your motivation up, but then back down.
But this is not entirely bad. Remember when we said that you should not have negative thoughts about yourself? Well, if you are not what you think, then those thoughts are not that important.
I’m not saying that you should not do an effort to change the way you thinking. But I do say that you should act opposite of what you negatively think.
If you say you are lazy, and the project you work on is too big for you. Then get to work and try to create a proactive plan in order to finish the project on time. This takes discipline too, I agree. If you don’t know how to be disciplined, we have an article about it right here.
But with that being said, act on the stuff you want, and finish the project you want to finish. You are not what you think, you are what you do, so go and unf*ck yourself.
Unf*ck Yourself: I am relentless
You know, sometimes people will be against you, and try to bring you down. On other occasions maybe even you will try to bring you down. But if you are really willing to change something about life, and you are so determined to do that, then you must be relentless.
Being relentless is doing what it needs to be done, without having a second thought. Is doing what you should do even though you don’t think you can actually pull it through.
You just work and hustle all the way. And while you do it, you are focusing only on the task at hand!
Don’t try to visualize what your next move will be. Don’t visualize what you’re next plan is going to be. focus on what you are doing, pour all the effort into that, and I guarantee you, you will do it!
Be relentless, and unf*ck yourself!
Unf*ck Yourself: I expect nothing, and accept everything
Always save the best for last.
To tell you the truth, this assertion is my favorite, because it does not only makes a lot of sense, but is so liberating, and easy to do too. Basically, Gary Bishop says that you should not have any expectations. You shouldn’t dream with your eyes wide open, because the truth is, it will never happen the way you imagine. And as a result, you will be sad about it!
Now, that does not mean you shouldn’t make plans, or have some vision of your own. But don’t marry them. Do a plan, execute it, and change it along the way, accept that is not how you imagined, and you need to change it in order to succeed.
We are obsessed with expectations
We like to do it! It makes us comfortable. It is easier to guess than to experience it ourselves. But this is the worst thing you can do.
The thing is, you do it all the time. You expect your significant other to act a certain way. Maybe you had a bad day at work, and you expect them to bright up your day. But they had to a bad day at work, so they are not in the mood to cheer you up.
Or you expect your family to buy you something meaningful for your birthday, but they had so many on their head that they just but you something you can use around the house, so you’re happy, but kind of disappointed.
Accept it as it is
But what if you never expect anything anymore. You just wait to see what happens and then control your reaction based on the live experience? To be honest, chances are you will not be disappointed. Why? You can’t compare what you experience with what you created in your mind. You never created anything in the first place. And instead of being sad about it, you will have your full attention on the matter. Therefore, you will be more productive.
And now picture the last scenario from this point of view. You don’t expect anything special for your birthday, but your family gives you something you can use around the house. So it is a plus every way you want to look at it.
As far as I’m concerned, this mentality of expecting nothing, accept anything, is a certain way of living a happy life. So accept everything the life throws at you and unf*ck yourself!